The
Gift of Universal Knowledge
Thom Whalen
Jan's face relaxed into beatific blankness.
Bob was bemused by the triteness of it all. White
robe. Fringe of silver hair around a baldpate. Lotus position. And now, meditation.
But Mary, ever sensitive to the feelings of those around her, reassured
him in a soft voice, "That's the way it happens, Dr. Paulson. To be
receptive, Jan must clear his mind of all mundane obstacles."
Bob nodded mutely, trying to hide his disappointment. At the very
least, he had hoped for something original. These charlatans were getting the
script for their scam right out of the National
Enquirer.
Mary continued, "He has to open his mind to the stars. They chose
to contact him because he can clear his mind completely. Few people have the
inner peace that is required to allow the telepathic link."
Bob nodded again while he wondered why he was sent here. There were far
more clever frauds for CSICOP to investigate than this tedious charade.
Mary interpreted the nod as acceptance and settled back into silence.
It had taken a lot of persuasion to get a real scientist sent here, but it was
important to have somebody with authority in attendance. This was a momentous
occasion. Xkax had promised to give the world
universal knowledge. She did not doubt that the promise would be kept.
Jan began to hum softly. A rising and falling tone.
Ethereal.
Bob noticed that the peaks and troughs in the amplitude of the humming
were synchronised with Jan's breathing. Nothing paranormal
here. Any child could do this. Most did.
After a few minutes, to relieve the boredom, he asked, "What can
we expect next?"
She replied, "He has to wait for them to make contact. He is only
a passive vessel for their thoughts. It normally does not take very long. They
are always watching out for him. They are as eager as we to maintain
contact."
"And then?"
"The last time, they told us how to assemble the apparatus."
She gestured to the roll of paper and bowl of ink next to Jan. "They said
that they would send enlightenment this time."
"Enlightenment?"
"Yes. Universal knowledge." Mary's
face fairly glowed. "That's why we wanted someone like yourself
here. This is the nexus of all mankind's future history. Imagine. A race so
advanced that their minds can skip across galaxies is going to give us the gift
of their knowledge. What a gift. In a few moments, we will be able to read that
scroll," she gestured grandly toward the blank paper, "and know
everything that we ever wanted."
Bob shrugged. He considered her premise for a minute. "If their
knowledge is so advanced, then we will not be able to understand it."
Mary was practically transported with joy, "That's the beauty of
it. We will. They have contact directly with Jan's mind. They know what he
knows and they know what he can know. They have promised that human beings are
quite capable of learning their knowledge. They are so advanced that they know
how to teach us."
Bob smiled blandly and said nothing.
Mary continued, "It is my dream. I have spent my whole life
thirsting after knowledge. Real knowledge. And now my
thirst will be quenched. At last."
Before Bob could reply, Jan moaned aloud. He could see sweat beading on
his forehead. The show was underway at last.
Without further preamble, Jan snatched the roll of paper and dipped his
left hand into the ink. With frantic movements, he smeared the ink all over the
paper as fast as he could unroll it. Neither Bob nor Mary moved, not wanting to
do anything that would disrupt the process. Mary because she
was greedy for the received knowledge; and Bob because he did not want to be
accused of having interfered when he debunked the debacle later.
After almost a half-hour of unrolling and dipping and smearing, Jan
fell back exhausted. He gasped. "It's done. This is the first level of
knowledge. When we have mastered this, they will give us the second
level."
Mary picked up one end of the pile of paper gingerly and touched her
finger to the smeared ink reverently. She said, "It's a miracle. The ink
is already dry."
Bob's criterion for a miracle was a little more rigorous than ink that
dried in minutes. He asked, "Well? Does it say anything?"
Mary looked at the smears. Then she looked more closely, practically
pressing her nose to the paper. As she skimmed over more and more of the smears,
her face changed from eager anticipation to a look of horror. She howled.
Howled like an enraged beast and threw the paper toward Bob.
As he picked up the paper, she rolled into a foetal ball and sobbed,
"No. No. No..." over and over.
He looked at the paper, expecting to see smeared ink, but was amazed to
see that the smeared ink had formed masses of tightly-packed characters on the
paper. He could read the writing.
Jan observed Mary's distress for a minute, then
asked Bob, "What is it? What does it say?"
Bob replied, "You were right. This is the first level of knowledge
required to conquer the stars." He waved the paper. "They have sent
us a high school algebra text."